There is something truly amazing about growing another life inside of your body, and the ecstatic energy and sacredness of the moment of birth will never lose it's magic for me. Good thing, since helping women get to that moment is what I do for a living! I used to cry at every delivery I was a part of, now I usually only cry if I know the mama giving birth or if the dad starts crying. That always gets to me.
Anyway, this pregnancy has been a bit of a reality check for me, as I suppose life often is. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying being pregnant and I have no regrets. I love feeling little Pebble (or sometimes little Animal- see this post if you don't know what I'm talking about) moving around inside of me. I love imagining what he or she might be like. I actually do like when people reach out to touch my growing belly, I imagine they are infusing Pebble with their love when they do it. But the nausea of the first trimester and now watching my body change so much is very strange, and not quite as blissful as I had romanticized it to be.
We don't have any full length mirrors in our house, and the mirrors about the sinks are quite high since the sink faucets are mounted on the bathroom walls, so I don't often get the full view of what I look like. As a result, it is often startling to see myself in my "fullness" when I catch a glimpse of myself in a window or in a mirror at work or see photographs of myself.
Yesterday, I was at work, washing my hands after peeing for the something like the 15th time during my 12 hour shift. The sinks above the mirrors are quite low, and as I'm standing there looking at what to me looks like an enormous belly, this is song from the 80's popped into my head. If you grew up in the 80s you will get a kick out of going down this memory lane...
There were some other contributing factors to my "Fat" moment in the bathroom. I have reached the limit of my normally roomy scrubs and I was uncomfortably squeezed into them yesterday. (Guess it is time to put them away and start wearing the maternity scrubs my wonderful Auntie Roz made for me!) Additionally, working 12 hours shifts as a nurse is challenging on the non-pregnant body, and I was feeling my belly getting in the way of my daily work all day when I had to help someone get into their TED hose, or bend over to pick up something they dropped, or reach over them reclined in a chair to do a blood pressure. I probably also felt "Fat" because I had a totally insatiable appetite yesterday. It seemed like I was eating something at least every couple of hours. Granted I wasn't stuffing myself with pizza, or cheeseburgers, but still...
Yesterday was just a Weird Al kind of a day I guess. I'm not feeling so fat today. Just totally exhausted from two 12 shifts followed by a night of little sleep thanks to my little Animal having more drum sessions at 3am. Luckily work is slow today and I was able to stay home on-call and enjoy the sunshine.












